HAWAIIAN PIZZA
Review by: Barney Bathroom

Fruit does not belong on pizza and when I say fruit I don’t mean tomatoes. I don’t care if you’re Hawaiian, I don’t care if you’re from Hawaii, and I don’t care if you love pineapple; Hawaiian pizza is an abomination to Italians everywhere! You want to put pineapple on your pizza? FUCK YOU! It’s not even good! It’s like mixing pizza sauce, cheese, and ham into a fruit fucking cocktail! I don’t know about you, but I don’t want any God damned pizza toppings in my cocktail… FRUIT!

It really, really bothers me when I go to a party and there’s Hawaiian pizza there or when someone I’m with orders a Hawaiian style pizza. What’s wrong with you people!? I can’t understand how something that tastes like fingernail clippings and dick would be good! I’d rather use my own beard as gum before I eat pineapple on my pizza! Only fairies eat this shit! Pizza is considered to be in the salty area of the food world and by putting something sweet on it is like forcing someone to have sex with you. If pizza was alive there’s no way in hell they would want pineapples on them! You are raping pizza! Fuckin’ pizza rapers! Italians everywhere are discussed!

You wanna be a fuckin’ man!? Well then put some jalapeños on your pizza and shove those pineapples up your ass! Eating pineapple on pizza is for homosexual mouths only! If I saw a gay man or a woman eating a Hawaiian pizza it would not bother me as much, but if I see a tough guy scarfin’ down some raped pizza, I am disgusted!

Posted: 01/01/08