“MOUNTAIN DEW”
Review by: Barney Bathroom

If I really wanted to drink carbonated barf water after I’ve done something “extreme” I’d head out to Foster City, CA and pound a glass full of that greenish brown lagoon water that surrounds the whole fuckin’ city! Who chooses to drink Mountain Dew over any type of drink!? There are so many better things to drink, like sewer water or Pepto-Bismol or 409. Okay… I wouldn’t pound any of that shit either, but might as well. This shit looks like the “ooz” that the Ninja Turtles crawled through to become super turtles! Maybe I’d be happy if it made me feel like I was super human, but all it makes me feel like is a crack whore in the Glenwood projects of New York who’s so damn cracked out that she falls asleep on dick while sucking it. I’d rather take Michelangelo’s nun chuck to the face and taste my own blood than drink this gak slobber!

What the fuck is up with all these different horse dick flavors of Mountain Dew!? Code Red? Baja Blast? Might as well just go with all the colors of the rainbow and call it the “Mountain Poo Gay Experience.” Code Red tastes like Ninja Turtle ooz mixed with April period and Baja Blast tastes like Ninja Turtle ooz mixed with Shredder semen! This is some fuckin’ Ninja Turtle soda! I wouldn’t be at all surprised if they got the Ninja Turtles to promote all this shit.

The only thing that would be “extreme” enough for me to drink this neon liquid radioactive piss is to fuck a yak in the wilderness or any animal for that matter. Now that’s fuckin’ extreme! Sorry to all you folks that work for Mountain Dew, but I’ll never fuck a yak or any other animal, so I’ll never drink your soda! Yak fucking is where I draw the line!

Posted: 01/01/08