MOVIES THAT TAKE PLACE IN THE PAST
Review by: Tony Shitbag

I hate movies that take place in the past! All of them piss me off! I hate these stupid fuckin' costumes these Larry ass actors wear. Goddamn cowboy hats and tan trench coats. Armor suits and swords. Seriously, Dick Tracy, take off that yellow fucking hat.  Black and white TV looking motherfucker. I hate all of you fucks. And take that big puffy ass dress off you bitch. Get in something skimpy like the whores now-a-days.

I don't give a shit what happened if it took place before I was born. I'm sorry but I've never wanted to go to the movies to see pirates shooting cannonballs at each other. I've seen a gun before. It's much cooler. I've also seen a car before, so I really don't give a flying fuck about anything that takes place in a horse carriage either. Saloons, showdowns at sunset and British people fencing with skinny swords all fucking suck.

Fuck all of you Dances with Wolves Kevin Costner ass motherfuckers. I don't want to hear your old fashioned accents and your weird sounding old people words. I only speak in swear words and slang. I don't understand your proper English bullshit. Take your top hat off and cut your hair. Why is it that every bitch in these old ass movies wears a wedding dress every day? Didn't they have pajamas or shorts a hundred years ago? Get your shit together you clowns. Make some movies that occur in the now.

The present would kick the past's ass in a knife fight. The past is full of dead losers. Movies about dead losers suck. Fuck all of you old fashioned doughnut bitches. Suck death.

Posted: 03/02/08