SALAD
Review by: Tony Shitbag

Everywhere I look, I see pussies eating salad. You fuckin fairies! Man up! Are you humans or gophers? Why don’t you just hop in the back of a gardener’s truck and start slamming dirty leaves in your mouth? Or grab a couple handfuls of grass at the park and go to town with that shit! You might as well you fuckin crunchy leaf eater!

Here’s a little known fact: lettuce heads are actually devil boogers. Satan picks his nose and sprinkles snot on your plates for dinner. April fools! You people disgust me. If you think about it, vegetables are the closest thing to dirt’s cum. Yeah, that’s right. I said it. If dirt could cum, it would ejaculate vegetables. Basically then, you are all just a bunch of cum-eaters.

If dirt had underwear, vegetables would be the shitty stains all around the cusp of the butt crack. Vegetables taste like communion, but worse. The texture is dry and weird; it’s like biting into a monopoly board. Yet you fuckin people just keep chewing. Idiots.

Salad is God’s joke on the world. Every time you creeps take a bite of that shit, God laughs his ass off! Why don’t you just go to a restaurant and order carpet to eat. You fuckin muffins! If you eat salad, you’re a goddamn sissy! I bet you played jump rope with all the girls at recess you fuckin vagina! If you order a salad for dinner in front of me, I will toss my drink on you and stab you with the closest knife. FUCK SALAD!

Posted: 01/01/08