TRAFFIC
Review by: Herby Hovercraft of the Diarrhea Dozen

I fucking hate traffic! Get your fucking cars the fuck out of my way! It’s really not that hard to drive you motherfucking idiots. There’s a steering wheel, a gas pedal and brakes. Get your shit together peckerfaces. I want to go home you son of a bitch! I don’t want to sit here and watch you put make-up on your face bitch! Get the fuck off your cell phone faggot! Put your turn signal on! Wake the fuck up you ugly pricks!

Traffic is like waiting in line to get positive AIDS test results. It’s so angering and so boring. I want to kill all of you. Have you ever wondered what causes traffic? A bunch of goddamn morons and dickless losers. If there’s an accident on the side of the road, stop slamming on your brakes to look at it! Are you a news reporter working on a cover story? You want to take a picture of other peoples’ misfortunes? Stop it you looky-loo loser fucks! Move your shit!

Listen you bitch, if I let you into my lane and you don’t wave, I will high beam your ass until the cows come home. I will follow you to your house and kill you while you sleep. You better raise your arm and your five little fingers and show me a gesture of gratitude if you know what’s good for you. I will slash your tires and toss a bag of shit at your windshield. That’s a promise you cocklover. Get your head out of your ass.

Old people: I will poison your food if you don’t start driving faster. 30mph is not acceptable. I will make your lives a living hell. I will rub your own diarrhea-filled old man diapers across your face! Speed it up Grandpa! Remember when you were younger and you had legs that worked correctly? Pretend you still have them and step on the pedal you gray haired fuck! This is not wheelchair class. This is not a bike ride through the park. The freeway is no place for you. Stay on El Camino where you belong.

Fuck you if you contribute to traffic in any way. I hope you all die horrible deaths in your shitmobiles. I will make sure to stop and take pictures. ;-)

Posted: 02/10/08