“A HISTORY OF VIOLENCE” starring Viggo Mortensen & Ed Harris (2005)
Review by: Fred Fingerfuck of the Diarrhea Dozen

A History of Violence!? More like A History of Sheep Shit or A History of Afterbirth because watching this movie made me make a face like I just smelled some fresh steamy sheep shit and watched a women spew out her afterbirth at the same time! I rather would have seen Viggo characterize himself again as Aragorn from Lord of the Rings and pound a sheep in the ass while he’s waving his sword in the air yelling, “I’m the lord of the butthole ring.”

Viggo did bust out a couple intriguing action sequences, but that did not save this movie from the depths of horribleness. This movie was about a man who has two identities (one as a family man and the other as master of violence). Sounds pretty awesome huh? That’s what I thought, but I just don’t understand how someone can make a movie with that plot and have the movie turn out to be worse than Sam Bowie being picked over Michael Jordan. This film was not interesting at all and it was actually one of the most boring movies I’ve seen in awhile. The main reason why this movie was horrible was because of the ending. The movie didn’t end… it just stopped! It was like pausing a movie to go take a piss and coming back to see that you dog ate your DVD player. This movie was a waste of my time and should not even be considered to be watched.

Posted: 01/01/08