“SAW 2” starring Donnie Wahlberg (2005)
Review by: Tony Shitbag
           
There are so, so, so many things wrong with this movie, I don’t even know where to begin. Let’s just start with the first thing that comes to mind... ummmm… The cast couldn’t act their way out of a wet paper bag! They were not AT ALL convincing in their roles. NOT AT ALL! As a matter of fact, they probably couldn’t convince a retard to eat a candy bar. They couldn’t convince a baby to suck a tit. They couldn’t convince a child molester to come to a tee-ball game. Worst cast ever!

This movie is stupid. The main character cop is a fuckin’ idiot. This plot is a fuckin’ joke. At least the first SAW had a noteworthy ending. The ending of SAW 2 is about as exciting as a dead kid’s birthday party. The director of SAW 2 should have his wang SAWed in 2. Watching this movie made me wanna SAW my eyes out of my face.

Hey, let’s have a cast full of nobodies. And GODDAMNIT the kid in this movie is like a mole on a fat chick’s ass: It’s ugly, it bothers everyone, and nobody ever wants to see it.  I would rather watch a documentary about the history of yarn than watch this kid try to act. Fuck this kid. I wish I could smash that fucker in the neck with a snow shovel like the old neighbor does to Marv at the end of Home Alone. On a side note, who even like kids in general? Noisy little fucks. If I ever squeeze a kid into a womb, that fucker better come out quiet and/or ready to shut up.

Back to the film - this shit is horrible. It’s rotten like dirty snatch. I was NOT on the edge of my seat as the previews suggested. I was on the edge of suicide. I was on the edge of throwing up all over the nametag of the guy who sells popcorn and sour patch kids at the theatre. This film is like the taste you get in your mouth after burping up some vomit into the back of your throat. It’s like going out for a walk and slipping into the sewer. It’s like taking off a chick’s panties and seeing that the bitch got pie beard! FUCK THIS FILM. It’s not scary. It’s not entertaining. It’s like a log of shit in a crippled man’s diaper.

Posted: 01/01/08