Universal Pictures presents “WHITE NOISE” starring Michael Keaton (2005)
Review by: Tony Shitbag

This Universal Pictures film universally sucked balls. In this dreadful attempt at a horror film, Michael Keaton stars as a man who attempts to contact his dead wife through television and radio airwave frequencies (EVP- electronic voice phenomenon). Give us a break Michael Keaton. You might as well have dressed up as Batman in this film to at least try and make it cool. Plus, the dude who helps Keaton make contact with his wife is the fat guy from Ace Ventura 2. How can I take this film seriously? Briefly, allow me to go over the reasons that this film was a waste of money, time, and good sense.

Reason #1: The film is rated PG-13. All PG-13 movies lick donkle (i.e. Alien vs. Predator) Reason #2: Horror films are supposed to be scary. The Little Mermaid was scarier than this hot garbage. As a matter of fact, I think Barney scares children more than this movie. Anyone who jumps out of their seats at this crap needs to also jump out of their seats and off a cliff. Reason #3: Michael Keaton is not dressed as Batman or Mr. Mom. Reason #4: It looked tight in the previews but made me vomit while I was there.

Posted: 01/01/08