ROGER EBERT
Review by: Barney Bathroom

Oh man... Here we go Ebert! Make sure you read on past all the insults because I have some key points to my review…

Roger Ebert is horrible with his stupid little phrases and giving praises to trash saying it's art. I'm sick of your lip Ebert! You’re hair looks like lemon meringue pie you fuckin’ ferry! You and your little clan that agrees with you doesn't know dick about rating films. You might know films and you might know the behind the scene stories cuz you suck directors dicks, but you don't know shit from quality or even know how to rate a film!

Five stars for the film Dark City!? Are you serious!? Gimmie a fuckin’ break! Yea it has tremendous character development, but that’s all. You need to realize that just because a film is original, has good character development, and is imaginative doesn’t mean it’s a “great visionary achievement.” It’s an average film! “This film is so original and exciting, it stirred my imagination.” Yeah… you also got your shit stirred when Roeper pounded your ass while watching this film you fucking donut face. It’s not a Braveheart caliber movie, yet you rated it better than Braveheart! I can't even respect you for that. You brought this on yourself.

You bring down hilarious movies, like Team America, so now I bring you down! What you need to realize is that you don’t have to go into so much depth to review a comedy film, let alone any film. You missed the whole point of Team America. Who gives a shit if Trey Parker and Matt Stone (the creators of Team America and South Park) made fun of America and the terrorists equally. Who cares if they did not choose a side! Those guys make fun of everyone and everything and don't care what the consequences are. They’re comedic masterminds. They’re just blatantly making fun of everything about the war on terrorism because it's a touchy subject. It’s that simple, but you have to go into this big old lecture about how they’re not taking the war seriously and all this other bull shit. They’re trying to make us laugh and bring happiness during a sad time. What’s wrong with that!? You probably think the Robin Williams “Live on Broadway” stand-up comedy show was an abomination since it was staged close after 9/11! You piece of shit! Everyone needs a laugh when times are bad! Like I said… you look way too deep into things. Just take things as they come. Don’t try to dismantle films that don’t need any dismantling. Analyze this… Eat a huge, long porno dick Ebert! Just because there are no special meanings behind some films doesn’t mean that they're unworthy. You didn’t laugh at Team America!? Are you even human!? I’ll tap dance on your face you inhuman small dicked prick!

Many people think your reviews are so high and mighty that you even change their opinions after they watched a film, but not me. I see right through your wax figured face and see an in the closet gay man. You are a brainwasher! You probably demand respect, don’t you? Well I demand that you stop sticking you dick in a film reel and start having sex with women you square jawed dildo user!

Posted: 01/01/08