ELI MANNING
Review by: Barney Bathroom

*F.Y.I.... This review was written and posted right before Super Bowl XLII (New England Patriots vs. New York Giants), which the Giants were victorious.

Eli Manning is a sad faced clown. He looks like an elf that just got fired by Santa. When he talks he sounds like a dying moose. Every time I see his face it looks like he just got done crying. There’s good reason though, because he’s not as good as his brother and will never be. He should be sad; he’s a shadow man. It sucks to follow in someone's shoes who is so talented when you’re not talented at all. Eli thinks he’s way better at football than he actually is and that’s why he’s a shit face.

Before Eli was drafted into the NFL he said that he didn’t want to be drafted by certain teams. Only assholes with pencil penises do that (John Elway did that shit too). Eli and John shove zucchinis up each other’s asses. Fuck you Eli! You’re not God! You can’t choose your destiny! I hope you fall down the stairs! You can win a crying contest or “who looks most like a girl” contest, but you’ll never win a Super Bowl. I don’t give a fuck if you’re in the Super Bowl this year either. You still suck dick! No player in the NFL (or any sport for that matter) should have any say on what team drafts them. You conceded bastard! Peyton doesn’t even like you. He wishes he had a better younger brother. He wishes his younger brother wasn’t such a pussy.

If Eli didn’t have Plaxico Burress catching his overthrown passes he wouldn’t be shit! If any other decent quarterback threw to Burress, then Burress and that quarterback both would have way more touchdowns and catching/passing yards. When Eli Manning plays he looks like he has a fat load of shit in his jock. He’s a complainer and a blamer. If he just let the game come to him and not think he’s tough shit because he’s Peyton’s younger brother, he would actually be a decent quarterback. I've never liked Eli... fuckin' care bear, prissy pants, piece of shit! Players that think they’re on top of the world when they’re clearly not are assholes with no friends.

Posted: 02/03/08