PEOPLE (Part 2)
Review by: Tony Shitbag

I fucking hate people! All of them! Go buy a rope and do the world a favor. You are all worthless piles of runny diarrhea. I hope you wake up to a big, warm bucket of piss being poured on your face every day of your life. Why are people so goddamn stupid? Read a book. Suck a cock. Just shut the fuck up and stop talking to me! I don’t care who you are, I am not interested in your life! I’m sick of you fucking assholes who tell me the same stories over and over again. Would you go to a comedy club if the same fucking joke was told 50 times in a row? I don’t think so. Why don’t you dig a hole in the ground, climb into it, and tell your stories down there?

People are getting more and more stupid every day. It sickens me. I was in the car with this fucking moron the other day and we ran through a yellow light. He said, “Man, we barely made it through that orange light.” Orange? Get your shit together motherfucker! A traffic light consists of green, red, and yellow. This isn’t Halloween you orange ass bitch. Show me an orange traffic light and I’ll show you a hot virgin. C'mon, who are you really, Indiana Jones? Are you a discoverer? Did you discover the world’s first orange traffic light? Think before you talk dip shit.

I absolutely fucking detest people at crosswalks that persist in pressing the button to cross the street even though they just fucking saw me press it! What the fuck is wrong with you? Why do you do that? Do you think that if we both press it, it gives us twice the chance of walking across the street faster? I have news for you, it fucking doesn't! It does nothing! It's like signing your name twice on a check or buying two of everything. Nice life. It's these same losers that walk into an elevator, WATCH me hit the button for the floor they are getting off at, SEE that the button is lit up, and still stick their fucking fingers out and hit the same exact button again! Holy shit! What fucking planet am I on? Can't you see the fucking button is lit? It says “10.” That means the elevator is going to stop at the tenth floor motherfucker. Your mom must be real proud that she produced a pile of shit like you from her vagina! You are an idiot!

I hate people at intersections who just step on the gas pedal and go because the person next to them went. It's not your fucking turn bitch! This isn't tag team wrestling. Learn to drive. I hate people that have big, expensive rims on shitty ass cars or extravagant stereo systems inside of their fucking jalopies. Fuck you! Spend your money on something productive, like a bottle of pills to swallow and die to. Losers. I can't stand girls who always wear pants. Put a skirt on slut. Show some leg. Live a little. Take your shirt off.

I loathe people with 2 first names and no last names. Hey Jim Bob, suck my dick. Hi there Peter Ross, eat my shit. How about Donald Alfred? Fuck him too. Were your parents piss drunk when they named you or what? I hate pregnant women who rub their stomachs. Stop showing off. We get it. You're having a kid. You're fat. Nobody cares about you until you're skinny again. Just eat some more and be miserable in the corner. I also fucking hate people that dress their dogs. What's next? Maybe I should start dressing my dick? I could put a little scarf on it, maybe a jacket? Don't you know that's a dog and not a mannequin? It's not a Barbie doll or a toy bitch. It's not a kid. You need some sex in your life. Real bad. And believe me, dogs hate wearing clothes more than I hate you. Wouldn't you like to be naked all the time if you could?

Somebody tell these fat girls to stop muffin-topping it! Stop wearing tight ass spandex clothes with your fat stomachs hanging out. NOBODY wants to see that. Please, tuck SOMETHING in. Put that away. You're gross! Fuck people who take their shoes off on planes! Have some consideration. Get your sock the fuck out of my face before I take it off your foot and stuff in your mouth. I'll make you suck sock bitch! Choke on toe sweat.

I abhor people who say “supposively.” It's “supposedly” you English as a second language pile of shit. SUPPOSEDLY. I hate shitty waiters, the ones that roll their eyes when you ask for a refill or pretend not to see you flagging them down. Do your job, take my order, and bring me my fucking food! Don't give me attitude you son of a bitch! You better dance on over to the soda machine and get me a refill if you striped shirt faggots know what's good for you. I hate people with no food in their house. Go shopping! Have you ever heard of a store? Groceries? Why do you even have a fridge when it just has butter and syrup in it? That's like owning a big ass garden and growing one tulip in the middle of it.

I hate all you motherfuckers so much! Especially you little bitches with your cute, stupid voice mail greetings. Just say your name and prompt me to leave my goddamn message. I don't need you to put on a scripted play for me on your voice mail or have some gay ass teeny bopper pop song playing for the entire length of the greeting. What the fuck are you thinking?

Fuck people with ring tones. Being around someone who doesn't ever change their ring tone is like changing channels on your TV and seeing the same commercial on every station. It gets real old, real fast pal. Get a life. Fuck people with personalized license plates. Don't you have anything better to do than think of some gay ass SUPPOSEDLY clever seven-digit phrase that nobody else has used yet? I'm real sure there are a lot of those left that are real cool. Ooooh, that makes you so original. The girls will just flock to your “I A M T U F F” license plate. Fuck off. It's a car, not a name tag motherfucker. I hate you just like I hate people who drink sparkling water. Are you too good for real water bitch? Are you too good for rain? You need to add a little sparkle to it to make you happy? Gimme a break. I'll take a sparkling dump on your fucking face.

People who eat salad for dinner are fucking gay and I hate them. Laker's fans piss me off! You don't know shit about basketball bitch! Shut up. I hate people who watch American Idol unless it's the first couple of shows with the funny people who sound like they're on their death beds when they sing. That shit is fucking hilarious! I hate people who offer you something to drink when you walk in their house. How does me walking into a house automatically make you think I'm thirsty? If I wanted a drink, I would have asked for it you whore. Now get me a fucking drink and shut up!

Hahahaha. I hate you. If you’re wondering why and it wasn’t answered above, read People (Part 3)… Coming soon.

Posted: 05/25/08

Read Tony Shitbag's People (Part 1) Review