BARRY ZITO
Review by: Tony Shitbag

Barry Zito, you are one grossly overpaid, skinny, lanky faggot. The reason you pitch so many innings and you’re always able to stay healthy is because your fastball is 82 mph. I drive faster than that you fuckin loser. It’s tough to get hurt when you throw like a toddler you locker room dick sucker. I hate you so much I hope you drown in McCovey Cove with your fruity pie stirrups around your ankles.

You look like you just came from a shampoo commercial with your soft looking hair and your five o’clock shadow. You are not a pitcher. You’re a tee-baller. You’re a skinny legged, bony little homo. Your go-to pitch is a 20 mph change up. A change up? Why don’t you just crumble a vagina into a little ball and toss it over home plate. You are the biggest sissy in major league baseball. If a hitter charged the mound at you, you would probably toss your glove at him at run. Either that or you’d cry. Suck my nut pouch you underachieving fairy.

I bet you call your glove a mitt don’t you? You are such a pussy. Your windup is so gay you long necked loser. Just because you date Hillary Duff doesn’t mean you’re not a dugout butt pounder who fondles bat boys when the cameras aren‘t around. You love wieners. I can see it in your eyes. You don’t deserve that contract pal. Lincecum owns you. Matt Cain owns you. You are a bunch of hype and fluff. I am a huge Giants fan and always have been, but I can’t stand the sight of you. Get the hell out of that uniform, you don’t deserve to wear it. I will find out where you live soon enough and hurl fastballs through your bedroom window while you sleep. You suck!

Posted: 01/17/08