“HEIDI’S PIES” 1941 S. El Camino Real, San Mateo, CA
Review by: Tony Shitbag

Now up to bat is Heidi’s Pies. I have been waiting patiently for quite some time to hurl shit bags at this place and I’m glad I now have the proper medium through which to do so. FUCK HEIDI’S PIES!

This pile of garbage has been around since I was a young child. And as a child, I went there a few times with my family for dinner. Around the age of six, I rode my bike to this fuckin' dump for a chocolate milkshake. Helmet in hand, I parked my bike next to the entrance of Heidi’s Pies and walked inside to order a milkshake. Next thing I know, LARGE MARGE from Pee Wee’s Great Adventure stops me in the middle of line and asks me, “Is that your bike outside the door?”

Keep in mind, people, that I am fuckin' six years old here. I respond with, “Yeah, that’s my bike.” This flabby troll then informs me that there are no bikes allowed outside because they could block customers from coming in. At six, I was obviously not a genius. But I am pretty sure I could tell whether a bike was blocking a fuckin' door or not. I tell her that my bike is not in the way, and she kicks me out of the restaurant!!!

What kind of a cold-hearted lard ass whore bag kicks a six year old out of anywhere? I am not sure if this blue whale still works at Heidi’s Pies, but any place that would hire Satan as an employee should not be frequented by any respectable person.

As a side note, I never again returned to this shanty. I vowed never to go to a place where children and customers are treated like migrant workers.

Posted: 01/01/08