“JOLLIBEE” 32460 Dryer St. Union City, CA
Review by: Barney Bathroom

First off… what a stupid fucking name for a fast food restaurant, let alone any restaurant. I wouldn’t even call this a fast food restaurant… I’d call it a fast food dumpster. Is this what fast food is like in the Philippines? I’m guessing so because that’s were this place originated. I feel really sorry for them if they eat this shit. Why come over seas and serve Americans dirt from the Philippines? Creamy Carlton's a Pacific Islander and I guarantee he’d agree with me! I seriously would rather eat at McDonalds and that is saying a lot because I fucking hate McDonalds! I rather would have worked during my lunch hour than have gone here! I’ll fucking kick that stupid looking bee’s ass with his stupid little chief hat on and shove all his dirt food down his smiling mouth! Man I’m pissed right now! I almost went Clark Griswold on the bee statue out in front of this place! I guess it’s my mistake for even considering eating here.

I asked for the Hearty Burger meal and paid $7.50 for it. $7.50 for a value meal! Holy shit! Murder my wallet with dumpster trash why don’t you! After I paid, the chubby stupid haired lady at the register tells me that they’re out of fries. “You’re out of fries during lunch time?” is what I told her exactly. “We can give you a pie instead,” she replies. A pie? A fucking pie with my burger? Gimmie a fuckin’ break! I rather would have had a side of raisins! What’s a burger without fries? That’s a sin in America! Right then I knew that this place was un-American. I would have asked for my money back and went somewhere else if I had time to, but I didn’t because my job requires me to work. I didn’t want a pie, so I just got the burger and got my money back for the fries. Any fast food place that runs out of fries is run by Satan! Hey, maybe I could have gotten some spaghetti. Spaghetti? Are you serious? There’s nothing like some spaghetti and a burger or some fried chicken on a nice sunny day. Are you catching my sarcasm? Good, cuz I’m layin’ it on pretty thick. I think Arnold Schwarzenegger needs to step in and kick these no fries having fucks out of California. Boycott this place! I’m serious!

Posted: 01/01/08