“NEW YORK PIZZA” 665 W. Tennyson Rd. Hayward, CA
Review by: Barney Bathroom

I have never encountered more stupid people all working at the same place in my entire life. To work at New York Pizza you don’t even need a resume. All you do is show up, say you want a job, they slap that dumb shit name tag on your breast, and say, “Welcome, you are now apart of the shit head club.” I guarantee that Helen Keller, Simon Birch, Corky, Gilbert Grape, and Retard John all work here together.

The name of this place itself should tell you that everyone who works here is at least a quarter tard. New York Pizza? Very original indeed! Did you put together a focus group to figure that one out? What a disgrace to New York! The owner of this place should have all the pizza dough rolled up into a huge dildo and shoved up his or her ass! I’m not too satisfied when my pizza is just lukewarm when I take the first bite either. Pizza is supposed to be delivered on time, hot, and taste good. Well I guess it’s opposite day everyday at New York Pizza, cuz my pizzas were late, lukewarm, and tasted like sewer leaves!

I will now explain in more detail why this place is filled with Down syndrome… I work for a very well established and respected business. This business has a featured list of vendors we are aloud to go through to order food for meetings; New York Pizza is one of them. I decided to choose Dumb Fuck Pizza to cater this collaboration of minds. To go through with this food order I had to fill out a preferred form and fax it in. This form has a checklist menu and a checklist for what facility to send the pizza. I filled out the form accordingly, faxed it over, and then even called them to make sure that they received the fax and that they understood it.

The pizza was supposed to be delivered at 12 noon and it was now 12:30. I ended up calling Ass Head Pizza and asked where my pizzas were. The bitch on the other end of the phone said that the delivery guy was on his way. 12:45… no pizza. I call them again and the bitch on the phone gives me attitude and says they already delivered my pizza. Well, it must be magical invisible pizza cuz it’s no where to be found. The pizzas were delivered to the wrong fuckin’ facility! I was so heated that I started yelling on the phone and tried my hardest to make the bitch on the phone piss her pants with fright. Surprisingly after that we got our pizzas in record time.

I would have rather had my pizzas delivered to me by a goat instead of this lolly pop kid fucker. He was about as tall as my dick and couldn’t speak English. He just handed me a piece of paper and said, “Sign”. I asked him why he delivered the pizza to the wrong place and he replied, “Sign.” Oh… no wonder he delivered it to the wrong place, he’s a munchkin tard ass who looks like my shit! I wish I had a picture of this guy. Every body part of this guy looked like a piece of shit; his whole body was just pieces of shit linked together like Linkin Logs. I could have probably flushed this guy down the toilet and he would have fit through. Fuck him! Fuck the bitch on the phone! Fuck their fax machine! Fuck New York Pizza!

Posted: 01/17/08