“THE WHOLE ENCHILADA” Highway 1 and Moss Landing Rd. Moss Landing, CA
Review by: Barney Bathroom

Manslaughter in Monterey County (Part 2)

The Whole Enchilada sucks a whole lot of hairy fisherman balls! I’d rather trip and fall in a hole full of vagina gak then eat at the Whole Enchilada again. You might as well give me slew mud to eat rather than this poor excuse for an enchilada platter. If the word “enchilada” is in your restaurant name than you better have some good ass signature enchiladas that I can put in my mouth. These chefs tried really hard to make my food enjoyable, which is what the server mentioned to me. You tried hard? Well try harder you poor excuse for trying hard! I want you to sweat and be aggressive when you’re playing the sport of cooking! Your hard try is just as good as winning a bronze medal in the Special Olympics; you’re only the third best at being close to normal. Trying has nothing to do with cooking. You’re either good at it or you’re not, period! I’m the “try hard” master, so don’t give me this bullshit about trying hard when you didn’t! I tried really hard to finish my plate and then when I hopped into my car afterwards I tried hard not to hergle all over my stirring wheel. I festered up a couple gage faces, but nothing came out. Now that’s trying hard!

I drove about 30 minutes from where I was staying to go eat at this place. It’s basically in the middle of nowhere on Highway 1 between Monterey and Santa Cruz. It’s right across the street from some sort of power plant, or water refinery, or some shit. From the outside this restaurant looks like a huge gaping pink vagina. A vagina next to a slew that smells fishy is not a turn on. I should have put a body condom on before I entered. It’s also right next to the Hitler store where they sell Nazi apparel. There’s also a biker bar connected to it as well where I saw one of my friend’s uncles cheating on his wife. Slew food, Nazi apparel, and biker wife cheaters sounds like an awesome place to hang out in! If you’re driving on Highway 1 and see this place make sure to drive right on by it and roll up your windows cuz you don’t wanna let the stank in.

Posted: 11/15/09

Manslaughter in Monterey County (Part 1)