“WILLY’S SMOKEHOUSE AND ALL AMERICAN GRILL” 95 Prescott Ave. Monterey, CA
Review by: Barney Bathroom

Manslaughter in Monterey County (Part 1)

Willy’s pride and joy sucks so much ass that he has to throw coupons in every damn store on Cannery Row in Monterey just to get people to come to his horrendous shithouse of a restaurant. Boy did I fall into Willy’s funky tourist trap! “Get 1 free appetizer if you dine with us!” Is there a catch? I don’t know, so let’s find out shall we? Our free appetizer consisted of two, yes two items on the plate. There were four people in my party so we busted out our monstrous stake knives and cut each piece in half so we could all have some of the appetizer. These stake knives were as big as my foot and I bet I could cut off my leg with four swift swipes. With big knives comes big responsibility and with big knives like these we should be getting some fat slabs of meat on our plates... WRONG! The ribs that were soon delivered to our wooden table were so damn small that they looked like ferret ribs. Maybe they let us use these big knives so we can cut off our arms and eat them because they don’t give their costumers enough food.

This place doesn’t look like a shithouse, but it sure as hell tasted like a huge live piece of shit prepared my food dashing its fecal matter all over my ribs and baked beans. With a good atmosphere better come good food, but not at this All American Grill. This place is just like putting rainbow sprinkles on a piece of shit to make it look like chocolate ice cream. Oh boy is the kid happy when he sees it, but once he takes that first mouth full he is in a world of sorrow. That’s exactly how I felt with Willy’s “Rapehouse.” Willy raped my mouth with small portioned crappy food. If I wanted to eat a slew I would have drove my ass up the coast to Moss Landing. Don’t get me started on that Whole Enchilada restaurant either (Manslaughter in Monterey County Part 2… Coming soon).

I even had to go on a wild adventure hike just to find the bathroom. While walking down the stairs and through all these hallways I expected David Bowie to pop out and try to confuse me or send me the wrong way. It’s not very nice to send your costumers through a labyrinth just to go to the bathroom!

There are way, way better places to eat around Cannery Row than Willy’s ASS! Steer clear of this establishment and don’t fall victim to the coupon trickery of magical Willy and his chunder appetizers.

Posted: 10/05/08

Manslaughter in Monterey County (Part 2)